Thoughts After My First Breakup in 2018

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This post is from my old blog and I wanted to bring it here in case any of my new peeps are going through their first breakup. This post was originally written in July 2018 so bear with me, please. I will be writing my updated thoughts soon too so stay tuned for that.

I was in my FIRST long-term relationship for about four years, I was young and thought this would be the person I was going to marry etc. but that wasn’t the case. This was my first attempt at a blog sharing how I felt post-break-up.

Time to Talk about My First Breakup

Life after a breakup really sucks. I had no idea that I would feel so lonely, but it makes sense considering the fact that you would talk to the person all the time and then all of a sudden you don’t talk to them anymore.

At first, I felt okay, I would cry and feel sad occasionally, but I spent so much time with family. This made dealing with things so much easier and there were no long periods of feeling lonely. I thought I was handling things well for the first few months. I was doing well at school and planning content for the summertime since I was going to be taking spring classes and I seemed fine. I should have known that this feeling wasn’t going to last forever, I was just hoping it wouldn’t affect me too much.

The Real Meat and Potatoes of my Feels Post Breakup

This was my first heartbreak and breakup and man it really sucked. I had no idea that it could hurt physically too, I just thought it was an emotional pain that people experienced. I honestly felt like my heart broke in half. This was the worst feeling I have ever experienced emotionally. feeling so empty, lost, and confused. I wish I could talk about what actually happened in terms of the breakup but that is way too personal at this point in my life and would never wish this on anyone because I feel like it’s one of the worst feelings that one can experience. The reason why it hurt so much is because you don’t think this person that you love will hurt you this way. 

My Thoughts After My First Long-term Relationship Breakup

About 4-5 months post break up the feelings of loneliness hit hard. It saddened me to see other people who were happy and in relationships. But all I really wanted was someone to talk to about how I felt and maybe they could help me get over the feelings of loneliness.

Unfortunately, I don’t have a lot people that are at that level of closeness. I had expressed some of my feelings to some people in my life but felt bad about it after a while, so I stopped looking to them as a means of releasing my emotions and allowing myself to be in a vulnerable position. At this point I was writing final exams and preparing to take spring classes (Best time to have these feelings, amiright?). I tried my best to push these feelings to the side so that I could focus on school because I didn’t want my grades to suffer as a result of this. 

My Thoughts a Few Months Post Breakup

I found that when I didn’t think or talk about my previous relationship, I was relatively happy, but this isn’t really the best way to deal with the pain I felt.  I found that talking about it had a huge effect on me a few days after releasing all of the bottled-up emotions. Another way that I was able to cope was by finding new music, as well as finding a new hobby in order to distract my mind so that it doesn’t drift.  The feelings went away temporarily which was great because I thought things were moving forward… I was so wrong.

I thought things would get better…

Now, 6-8 months later these feelings are back, and they are worse than ever. I am mostly okay during the day, but as soon as nighttime hits all the feelings come crashing down. I usually can’t sleep so I just lay in bed scrolling through social media (bad idea because it makes things worse), or I just think until I fall asleep. Tonight is one of those nights where I feel so awful and so lonely. I thought that writing this would help me to get all the emotions out so that they aren’t flying around in my head anymore. Writing this out has definitely helped for today, I am hoping that writing out how I feel helps because I really don’t like this feeling at all, I can’t be productive when I feel this way. 

Wrap This Up

I apologize for the slightly lengthy post and the fact that it is all over the place my brain is scattered. Hope you don’t mind the too personal-ish post.

Love you lots,

Adwoa A (2018 version lol)